Sunday, February 27, 2011


I was reading a dear friend's blog this afternoon and she was talking about rain and that rain brings rainbows. It got me to thinking that the rain from the sky and the "rain" (tears) from our eyes.
  • Tears are healing. I think in the midst of our tears we don't think that there is healing, but we are healed through our tears.
  • Rain makes things new. Sometimes rain destroys things, but once the rain has subsided, new life regrows, and people rebuild.
There is something comforting thinking about what comes after the rain: rainbows, regrowth, healing, life.

I am glad for the thought of the comfort of what comes after the rain and the tears, but right now my heart is broken and I am sad. I never thought that I could hurt so much. Having to see a child die is a pain that is not even comprehensible, it is not even close to anything that I have ever experienced before.

As I am writing this and listening to praise music I had this thought. It was like the Lord was saying to me "I watched My child die, and I could have done something about it, but I knew it was for a greater good. It was to save the world. I understand your pain. I cry with you. Come to me and I will comfort you."

I do wrestle with the fact the Lord could have allowed Emily to live. He could have kept me pregnant longer, He could have healed my body. He could have intervened and done a lot of things. But that was not in His plan. I wish I knew what His plan was, but  since I don't I can take heart in these verses.

Proverbs 3:5-8
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones.

My life right now is full of rain and tears, and sometimes I wonder how I am going to make it to the next hour, let alone the next day; but I have God's promise that He loves me and holds me in His arms.

I am emotionally drained after writing this post. I am going to end this with a song that I was just introduced to. This is where I am today.


Jen said...

I understand your "rain", I wish that none of us would ever have to figure how to parent a child in Heaven! Sending you many prayers and ((hugs))! The song "Homesick" has the lines about rejoicing because your loved one is in Heaven, but having tears because you aren't with them and those lines always hit right in my heart. That song was played at the beginning of my sons funeral and listen to it often.

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