I got angry for the first time tonight. Why God, did Emily have to die? Why could I not have an uncomplicated pregnancy? So many women have such easy pregnancies, and never have a second thought to what complications could occur. I do not wish these women unwell, I am so thankful that they do not have to deal with everything that we have had to deal with. Part of me wants to scream and just get mad at any and everything. Maybe that would make me feel better, but I doubt it.
I know that this may seem strange, but my anger did not last very long, it was almost like the thought was there and then after a few minutes it was gone.
My next thought was how can I take the tragedy that our family has suffered and help others. In the last few weeks I have discovered so many families that have taken their tragedy and turned it into a chance for them to help other families who also have suffered a loss of a child(ren). I have been praying that the Lord would show me how the loss of Emily can help me to bring healing and help to other mothers. I am not sure what this looks like for me and our family, but I know that in time I will find what it is that I can do. I have a few ideas that I want to look into and I will share them in time. But for now you can be praying that the Lord will show me how to use my loss to help others.
12 hours ago