I was asked the question yesterday, "How many children do you have?" I actually thought I would have longer until I had to answer this question. This exact question is maybe one reason why I have avoided having conversations with strangers, and especially strangers who have children. Because when women talk it is generally about our children. Yesterday while at MOPS I was talking with a mom that I did not know and we were of course talking about children, and she asked me how many children I had. I paused for a second before I answered, not really sure how I wanted to answer. The truth, I have two children. But that takes a lot more explaining than just saying I have a 2 year old daughter. But after a pause I told her that I have two children, one here and one in heaven, and then I shared with her a little about Emily. It was hard and I cried. But I am glad that I was able to share about the existence of Emily in my conversation with someone.
Several days after Emily died I was talking with a friend who has also lost a child. In the conversation she mentioned that the question of how many children you have will come up and you will have to decide how to answer. I am so thankful that we had that conversation because in a way it prepared me for how to answer. While consciously I never came up with how I would answer, it was at least something in the back of my mind. There may be times when I don't answer the same as I did yesterday, just to avoid having to explain further, but at least I have encountered one more tough situation and survived.
I was reading another mother's blog tonight and at the bottom of one of her posts she had this verse, "For I know the plans I have for you...to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11. I think this is a wonderful verse full of promise. The one thing that I keep thinking is that none of this has caught God by surprise. He knew before the beginning of time...And He has a greater plan in all of this than we can even imagine. So I will take comfort in the fact that He "knows the plans He has for me...to give me hope and a future."
The Spoils Of Victory
6 hours ago