Five Minute Friday ~ Home

 It has been a few weeks since I have participate in Five Minute Friday. The main reason: I have not felt much like writing. I am trying to get over this slump I find myself in and beginning to write again. I was writing a post earlier and I went to hit publish and for some reason blogger had logged me out and it had not been auto-saving so my great post was lost. And I really did not feel like rewriting it, so I put it aside and maybe in the next few days I will try again. The problem is that I will never be able to write the exact same thing again. It will be similar, but never the same, and today that makes me sad. I have no explanation for the feeling, but it is how I feel.

But with all that being said I am going to attempt to write today.

GO.

Home for me is not where I was born, it is not even where I was raised. I have discovered that home for me is where my husband and daughter are.

For most of my life we have moved A LOT. I think the longest I ever lived in one place was 6 years. The thought of a home is different to me than to many people. In the three years my husband and I have been married, we have lived in 4 homes. Would you be surprised to know that no one in my family is part of the military, this has just been my life. I would love to have a place to call HOME. One place to raise our children, but since right now we do not have that I realize how important finding home with those who I love is the most important part.

Home is not a place, it is what you make with those who are closest to you.

STOP.

Wow, five minutes goes by fast when you have one focused topic and you are only thinking about that. Will you join me this week at The Gypsy Mama for her weekly blog hop Five Minute Friday 

Happy List Saturday

It is Saturday again, and time for a happy list. It has been a few weeks since I have participated. Not because I have not had things to make me happy, just because I have not felt like doing one. I am going to keep this happy list short this week. But it is a wonderful list this week. This has been such an amazing week. I could keep coming up with words to describe this week, but maybe it is better to just share my list with you.

New blog design
Did you notice a change this week on my blog? I am so happy with how it turned out. I hope to make a few more minor changes to it in the coming months, but right now, it is right where I want it. Every time I open my blog I smile. It truly makes me happy. The design would not have been possible had it not been for the next thing on my happy list...

Franchesca at Small Bird Studio
She is an amazing woman. I have been so blessed by reading her blog. And now she has used her talents to design my blog. When I saw my blog design for the first time, my first thought was PERFECT. I am so thankful for the talent of others. There is a lot I can do, but designing a blog is not one of them. If you are interested in having your blog redesigned the waiting list at Small Bird Studio is now open. I promise you will not be sorry if you decide to use Franchesca for your design.

My dear friend Amanda
This week my best friend from childhood came for a visit. Up until 3 years ago we have lived within an hour drive of each other. Three years ago I moved 2000 miles away, and we get to see each other about once a year. It was such a wonderful visit. We spent the 5 days, getting our nails done, playing board games (one of our favorite activities), going out to lunch, seeing a movie (Bridesmaids) talking, and just spending time together.

My Husband
I have put Ron on my happy list before. But of course he always makes me happy. This week he deserves another mention because he was wonderful this week. He watched out daughter several afternoons so that Amanda and I could go have girl time...And he cooked dinner three nights in a row. It was such a nice break, and such wonderful food (Carne Asade, BBQ Chicken, & Spaghetti).

Thunder Storms
There were so incredible thunder storms this week. Where we live we can watch the storm roll in and just wait for it to make it to our part of town. The thunder storm would roll in and then be gone as quickly as it had come. I also love the smell of spring rain.

I could go on and on about this week, but I will stop there for this weeks list. I am so glad that this week turned out the way it did. Sunday was not a great day for me, but it sure turned around.

I hope you have an amazing weekend.

Five Minute Friday ~ On Forgetting

Is it really Friday already? This whole week I have been trying to remember what day it REALLY is. All day Tuesday I was sure it was Wednesday and Wednesday seems like a blur, and I am not even sure what happened to Thursday, other than I got A LOT of cleaning done.

So here I am at Friday, and it is time to take 5 minutes to just write. Some days 5 minutes is all I can take to write. I savor those times that I can take a break and just write. And I am getting to write early in the morning today since our daughter decided to sleep in (could have something to do with the late bedtime last night, but I will take what I can get)

With all that said...I am joining The Gypsy Mama for 5 Minute Friday. "Five minutes to just write, and not worry if it’s just right or not."

GO.

Some days I want to forget. Forget this horrible nightmare that we have found ourselves in the past four months. I want to forget that I should be holding our infant daughter but will never do that again on Earth.

But forgetting about the past four months means forgetting about Emily and I want to remember that I carried her for 23 weeks and 2 days and that she lived for 10 hours and that I am so blessed to be her mother, even for the short time.

Forgetting means losing the person that I am, the things that have formed and shaped who I am today. I don't want to forget. Not ever. I am a stronger person because of everything I have gone through in my life.

On a lighter note, ever since I got pregnant with our first child I have begun to forget things. Most of them are not super important things, but my brain seems to have been taken over. I loss track of time, I forget important dates until it is past the date.

If it was not for my Smart phone I might forget a whole lot more.

STOP.

Five Minute Friday: When Seasons Change

I have not participated in Five Minute Friday for a few weeks. There are a few reasons for this. One, I have been keeping super busy, part of this is intentional and part of it is just life. Two, I have not really felt much like writing. I have plenty to say, but just not been feeling like sharing. And third, the last two topics I have just not connected with for some reason and decided not to try and think of anything to write, or even think about it at all.

But I am back and ready to go.

I am joining The Gypsy Mama this week for Five Minute Friday. Spend five minutes writing on the topic of the week, no editing, just write what comes to mind.

Go.

I love the changing seasons. For the majority of my life I lived in a location where there were really only two seasons...cool and hot. Now I live in a location that gets all four seasons and I am loving it.

This year spring seemed especially beautiful. I am not sure if it was the long cold winter we had or the fact that I needed to see new life so much this year.

When I think about the changing of seasons I think past the actually season, and think about the seasons of life. The season when you are single, the season when you are married without kids and now the season I am in, the season with a child.

This can seem like a long season at times. But what an amazing season it is. Right now I am deep in the season of a toddler and while I am finding it challenging to parent a toddler, I am finding it so rewarding at the same time.

I have also entered a new season, the season of grieving. I am sure that this season in my life will always be present now that I have entered it, but I am also sure that it will evolve and change just like the changing of the actual season. I am in the winter of my grief, but I know that there will come a day when new hope will come and I will begin to see the promise of a new life once again.

Stop

Well that was a bit over 5 minutes, but I needed to finish that last few sentences.

Happy List Saturday

It is the 10th week of Happy List Saturday with Natasha at My Angel Baby...Aiden William. I can't believe it has been 10 weeks. I have not participated every week, but I am so glad that there is a day that we can focus on things that make us happy, especially during a week that is not so great.

I don't have a long list the week, but I did want to make a list this week.

Pizza
On a night when I have no idea what to make for dinner, or really just don't want to make dinner...pizza is always there. Enough said.

Shark Tank
Have you ever watched this show? It is so much fun to watch. If you have never seen it, check it out.

My Husband
I have put him in my happy list before, but he makes me happy each day. He is so wonderful to let me take time for myself. Today, I got to go yard sale shopping for four hours while he watched our daughter.

Wet Wipes
Such a great invention. Can be used for ANYTHING...

Spring Rain
There is a smell to rain in the Spring that is just so refreshing and wonderful.

Dogwood Tree Blossoms
These are some of the most beautiful trees I have ever seen. I have decided that I would like to purchase one of these trees in memory of Emily. I don't know yet when I will be able to get one, but just seeing them around town makes me smile. (I will post a picture later, it is not uploading right now)

Five Minute Friday: Motherhood Should Come With…

I am a bit behind. It is actually Saturday afternoon, but the last 24 hours have been super busy for me so I am playing catch up now.

I am joining The Gypsy Mama for Five Minute Friday.




The rules are easy.

1. Write your heart out for five minutes and show us what you’ve got.
2. Tell your readers you’re linking up here and invite them to play along.
3. And most importantly, go visit, read, and encourage the fellow five-minuter who linked up right before you.

Go

Motherhood should come with an instruction manual. It would sure be helpful to know what you would encounter before it happened. But at the same time I am so thrilled with discovering each new thing that my daughter does. So maybe motherhood should not come with an instruction manual.

Instead it should come with a sense of humor. I believe that getting through anything your child does is made easier with laughter. It might not always be appropriate to laugh in the moment, but how would anyone survive having children if we did not laugh.

Motherhood should come with an unlimited supply of chocolate (just for mom). There are times when a really good piece of chocolate makes everything better even if for just a few minutes.

Motherhood should also come with a way to block out all those "helpful" suggestions and comments from all those well meaning people, who feel they know everything about motherhood.

STOP

Happy List Saturday

It is Saturday and time for Happy List Saturday. I missed last week. Not because I had nothing to be happy about, but because we were all sick and I just really did not feel like coming up with one.

Well it was Saturday when I started this list, but now it is Sunday. But better late than never.

Warmer weather
The last few days have been beautiful. It has been windy, so being outside has been a bit chilly, but the sun is shining and it is definitely Spring

Apple Blossom Festival
Yesterday kicked off the Apple Blossom Festival here in our city. I took Maddie to the Kiddie Parade. We had so much fun. But I forgot my camera, so no pictures to share. I am going to try and remember to take my camera today to the Kids Fair in the park.

My 2 year old
I love having a child that is finally old enough to enjoy doing activities. Last year we took her to a lot of the festivities of Apple Blossom, but she was not really that into any of it. This year is much different. This is my favorite age so far (but I have said that of every age she has been so far.)

Red Tulips
My mom gave me Tulips this week in memory of Emily. They are so pretty. They are probably only going to last a few more days. But I am enjoying them for now.

Emily's Blanket
I may do a whole post about this, but it made me happy this week so I wanted to share it here. On Friday I got Emily's blanket in the mail. Rows for Remembrance is a wonderful ministry to families who have lost a baby at any stage in the pregnancy to birth. They knit or crochet a blanket with your child in mind. The blanket has 20 "starter" rows and then one additional row for each week your carried your child. My blanket was 43 rows and it is perfect. I don't have a picture of it, but my two year old grabbed Emily's blanket and cuddled with it yesterday. It was so cute. She knows that it is Emily's blanket.

The Cake Mix Doctor

Have you ever seen this book? If not you have to check it out. It is one of my favorite cookbooks. This woman takes a cake mix and transforms the mix into an amazing cake. That I know of she has three different books and each is so wonderful. I will probably never make a cake from scratch again.

Blog Awards
Last week I received two blog awards: The Stylish Blogger Award and The Versatile Blog Award. It was so fun to receive these awards and then to turn around and give them to other bloggers that I follow.

Five Minute Friday...Hard Love

Do you have five minutes? As mothers sometimes that is all we can spare to get in a bit of writing. That is probably why I like this blog hop each week. It gives me a set amount of time to get my writing done and it gives me something to write on when I just can't find words for anything else. Hop on over to The Gypsy Mama and join in on this blog hop today.

GO

Have you ever stopped and thought of the agony that Mary, Jesus' mother went through as she watched her son dying on the cross? What must have that been like for her? For a mother to loss her child.

The love of a mother goes so deep. I think it is one of the deepest feelings we will ever encounter. I have seen a child die. I have held a child in my arms as she died. We had to make the agonizing call to stop trying to resuscitate her and just let her go. That is hard love. The hardest decision, one no parent ever wants to have to make.

As mothers we go through so much for our children; the sleepless nights, getting thrown up, peed and pooped on, the hard labor, and so much more. But it is all worth it to see the smiles and feel the wonderful hugs and kisses.

STOP

I have a few more minutes and wanted to write a bit more about Mary and what I have been thinking. I don't know why until tonight it never occurred to me what it must have felt like for Mary to watch her son die. Mary had to witness one of the worst things for a parent, the death of a child. What must that have been like for her? To watch the life leave her first born son and there was nothing she could do for him. To see him suffer and be in so much pain.

Wow, what a picture. What a way to think about Easter and really grasp how much God loved us. To let his son go through so much pain and to die, because of his amazing love for us.

Good Friday has a new meaning in my heart tonight as I think of it in an entirely different light. The pain of parents watching their child died.

But what a glorious promise that we will see those children again one day.

May you have a blessed Easter weekend.

What's In A Name? ~ Blog Hop

This is my 80th post! Wow, I never thought I would have this much to say. 80 posts in just under 3 months.

Realizing that this was kind of a milestone, I decided I wanted to do something special for this post. What to do?

I decided I wanted to talk about the meaning of our daughter's names and how and why we chose the names we did. And make it into a blog hop.

Madalyn Joy
With our first we did not find out if she was a girl or boy. We waited until she was born to find out, and because of this we had to come up with boys and girls names. I will spare you all the boys names we came up with, but as far as girls names, well that is another story.

We liked, Payton, Calliegh, Nicole and Madalyn. But just like the list Madalyn was our last choice, our least favorite name to begin with. I am so glad we had choices. When Maddie was born, she just looked like a Madalyn. There is no other way to explain it. So that is what we named her.
But her name was more than just a random choice once she was born. We had carefully selected each name. I truly believe that a name shapes who a person is for their entire life. Yes, someone can overcome a name, but generally speaking it shapes who you are.
Madalyn means "from the tower" and her middle name Joy means, well, "joy." If you put those two together she name means "From the tower of Joy." This is what she has been to us from the day we found out we were pregnant.

Emily Fatih
When we found out we were pregnant a second time we decided from the beginning that we were going to find out what we were having. It just made sense, and I really wanted to be preparing Maddie for a brother or sister.

Once we found out we were having a girl we started again on trying to select the perfect name. We tossed around Payton, Nicole, Gretchen, Addison, and Abigail, but never once did the name Emily come up until the night before she was born.
The moment I heard what Emily meant I knew that was going to be our little girl's name. Emily means to "strive or excel." I felt like our baby girl deserved a name that fit her personality from the beginning. Emily Faith means to "strive or excel in Faith." I believe that there was no better name for her. She surpassed what the doctors every thought possible.

I believe the names we give our children are gifts that they carry with them for the rest of their lives.


How about you? How did you choose your child(ren)'s name? What is the meaning of the your child(ren)'s name? Please share and link up here with me.

Small Miracles ~ Life

I have tried to write this post several times over the last two days, but always have to stop writing because I just don't have the words, my mind seems to go blank. I finally have the words, I know what my small miracle is:

The miracle of life.

For those of us who have lost a child at any stage in pregnancy and beyond we treasure those moments we had with our child(ren). But I really struck me today. What a miracle that I have had the chance to be pregnant, not just once, but twice. I had the opportunity to care for Emily for 23 weeks. The Lord blessed us, but allowing us to get pregnant and then to carry our sweet baby. We did not get the chance to raise her, but she is and will always be ours.

I have had so much sad news in the last 7 days, a dear friend, a sweet baby boy, and a close friend of my husbands all passed away recently. I have cried for each one, but I have also rejoiced in their lives. Each one of them was on this earth for a reason and now each one of them is no longer with us, but they remain in our hearts.

This is not the most uplifting small miracles post I have written, but it is my heart. I found a verse today that I thought was perfect for this post today. I had thought about writing a post about it, but that is not where I felt led to write today, but I do want to share the verse with you.

Psalm 71:14 - As for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more.

This is my prayer, I want to aways have hope:

Hope that the Lord is near me and that He cares for me, even in the hard times.

Hope that one day we will see those we have lost again.

Hope in the promise of a rainbow.

Hope that I can praise the Lord, more and more

What miracles have you witnessed or felt lately? Hop on over to Small Bird Studio and join this blog hop and share your small miracle.

Happy List Saturday

While I have a few minutes I thought I would write my happy list for this Saturday. I am watching a friends two daughters; ages 2.5 and 11 months for a full 24 hours. That means I have three girls under 3 in the house. We are also going to attempt to go to church in the morning, wish us luck. We have never gotten three children ready to go any where. This should be fun.

This was a rough week, but I do have somethings to be happy about.

MOPS
Yes, often being there triggers emotional responses in me, but being able to be around so many wonderful women makes me happy.

Rainbows
The double rainbow on Wednesday really was special to see. See my post from Wednesday to see the picture.

Lady Bugs
I have always loved lady bugs, but now that they remind me of Emily I like them even more.

Garage (Yard) Sales
I love finding great deals. I don't think very many of Maddie's toys are brand new. Most of them have been found at garage sales. I love knowing that I did not pay full price for things, yet my daughter has lots of fun toys.

A Clean Kitchen
I love when all the counter tops are cleaned off and everything is in its place.

Spring
Yes, it is finally spring. As I write this I am sitting on my couch with all the windows open and the sun shinning in the window. It is WONDERFUL.

So what made you happy this week. Join me over on Natasha's blog and share your happy list.

Five Minute Friday: On Distance

Distance is a funny thing. Often you do not realize the distance of something until you stop and really think about it.

It has been two months, two weeks and six days since Emily died. It is interesting to me that I choose to say "since she died," not "since she was born" I go back and forth between those two phrases. Which is the best to use?

But I digress, distance has played a huge role in my life. When I was a child we lived at least 100 miles from the closest relative and some were much, much further. I was determined that my children would not know this distance from her family, so we now live in the same house as my dad and with in 5 miles of my mom, brother and sister.

When I was in my early 20's I spent 6 months a considerable distance from my family, over 3,000 miles to be more precise. It was a good time for me to grow closer to God and to realize that I can make it on my own. It gave me the Independence I needed to become the adult that I am.

When I started dating my husband we lived over 60 miles apart. That made dating a bit more difficult in the beginning, but we made it work and made a life together, and now there is no distance between us, which is wonderful.

STOP

So I have to admit that the last sentence was finished after the 5 minutes were up, but I really could not just leave a sentence hanging, and leave you hanging. So I finished it, but of course writing should not be legalistic, it should be fun, so if I wrote for 5.2 minutes, it is not the end of the word.

Now that you have read my crazy rambling "on distance," why not join me this weeks as I like up with The Gypsy Mama on her Five Minute Friday. You spend 5 minutes writing whatever comes to mind on the topic that she supplies. It is one of my favorite posts of the week.

Happy List (Not Saturday)

I am a bit late on this, but I thought I would make may happy list anyway.

This week I am happy for:

Friends
Who love me and just call to say hi

Play dates for Maddie
It is wonderful to have Maddie entertained while I am able to chat with other moms.

My sisters
I have two sisters. One who lives 5 miles away and one who lives 2000 miles away. This week my youngest sister spent sometime playing with Maddie and keeping her occupied. It was her Spring Break and she spent part of it with us. My other sister, keeps me entertained with her posts on Facebook and touches my heart when she shares how deeply the loss of Emily has touched her.

Shopping
I got to go shopping twice this week with friends, without kids or husbands. It was such a wonderful time. Yesterday my friend Melissa and I drove to Seattle and spent the day shopping.

IKEA
The fun of walking around and thinking about what you could do to your living space, and buying random things for the house.

Seafood  (specifically Salmon)
I love seafood, but no one else that I live with likes to eat it. So I rarely cook any kind of fish. But yesterday I got to go out to dinner at a Seafood restaurant and had Salmon. So Yummy!!!!

Trader Joe's
When I lived in California this was one of my favorite places to shop for food, but sadly the closest Trader Joe's is about 150 miles away. But yesterday I got to go shopping there again. So much good food. Here is a picture of a few of the yummy things I got.

New Shoes
For the first time in over 2 years I bought myself a pair of new shoes, and they are hip and sophisticated. So much better than the old Keds I had from before I got married (3 years ago).

My new shoes

Have a wonderful week.

Five Minute Friday...If You Met Me

It's Friday again. I love Friday. For so many reasons: It means the end of another week; It means I can participate in 5 minute Friday (which I have come to enjoy very much); it means the weekend is here and that always brings something fun.

Today I am linking up with The Gypsy Mama for 5 Minute Friday. Do you have five minutes in your day? Why not spend it blogging. Take 5 minutes and write, using the topic provided by Gypsy Mama, no editing, and then link up with everyone else.

So here I go for this week

If you met me...

GO

You would see a women that faces life and what it has to offer. No matter what happens. You might see a smile on my face that betrays how I am really feeling on the inside. I work very hard to make sure that smile is genuine, but sometimes it is in place to protect me from having to share my true feelings with people. I never thought I would be that person, the one who had to hide the pain. I wish I could share it with everyone I meet, but the truth is that not many people really want to be burdened with the truth.

I have great days, and I love life despite that pain I have suffered. If you met me you would also see my incredible love I have for my family; my wonderful husband and my daughter. What you would not see is the love I have for my daughter who is no longer with us.

You know what else comes to mind? If you met me in the grocery store you might see a semi-crazy coupon lady.

Stop

It always amazes me what comes to mind when you just write. I spent some time thinking about what I would write today on this topic, but when I actually sat down and spent the five minutes writing something entirely different came out. I love that. I love being able to have the freedom to write what ever I want. This is mostly for me and if you enjoy reading it, and it helps you in some way I am even happier.

Have a wonderful weekend.

It's a... Blog Party

I have been seeing the 2011 Ultimate Blog Party hosted by 5 Minutes for Mom on several of the blogs that I follow and thought, "what a neat idea to be able to "meet up" with other moms." But since it started I have not been in a party mood so I had dismissed it and decided that maybe next year I would join in.

But as I sit at home reading posts from those mom's blogs that I follow and think about what a comfort they have all been to me in the past two months and  two weeks, I realized I want to share my blog too.

One reason I started my blog after Emily died was to be able to process how I was feeling and have an outlet for my grief. But the other reason is because I had found so much comfort in knowing that someone else in the world was and is going through a very similar experience as I am and if I could help just one person it would be worth while to share so openly.

My hope is that this blog can be a blessing and comfort to someone else.

This is my blog, this is me and all the pain and imperfections of my life.

I am a 29 year old wife and stay at home mother. I have two beautiful daughters, one I have the privilege of raising and one in heaven. Emily Faith was born on January 26, 2011, at 23 weeks and 2 days. She lived for 10 wonderful hours and then left us and went to heaven. Losing a child is the hardest thing I have ever had to survive in my life. I am so thankful for the moments I did have with Emily and will treasure them always.

This blog is in memory of Emily Faith, but this blog is more than just a memorial of Emily. It is the journey of my grief and our family's life after Emily.

We have chosen to live each day grateful for the time we had Emily in our life and knowing that one day we will see her again.

Since the loss is so recently many of my posts are about how I am dealing with my grief. I have good and bad days. But I also blog about our family and our daily life. We have a child here on earth and she is such a joy to have in our life. She keeps us hoping and basically is giving us a run for our money, and she is only 2.

Thank you so much for stopping by. My deepest pray is that my blog will be a blessing to those who read it. I write because I love it, but I share what I write because I want to be a blessing to others.

It's Saturday Again!

This has been a good week. I have had some moments of sadness and the feeling of being unsettled, but overall, this week went well.

Having friends over for a BBQ
On Sunday we had several friends over to BBQ and just spend time together. It was very nice to enjoy the warmer weather and the fellowship of friends.

Sewing again
It has been over a year since I sat down and actually made something for Maddie and several months since I sewed for pleasure. On Thursday I finally sat down at my sewing machine and made a dress for Maddie. It turned out so cute.

 

Framed pictures of Emily

The pictures I ordered from Shutterfly came last week, and on Sunday I finally got the pictures framed.

Emily Faith's photo book
Emily's photo book also came in the mail this week. It is perfect. Now we have a book with all her pictures in one place.

Emily's Butterfly
Created and sent to me by Raquel over at Hopping to a New Normal... I have not taken a picture of the butterfly yet, but it is perfect, and pink.

Going to Seattle for the weekend
We are going to visit some friends and do lots of shopping.

A lot of this week was centered around getting things that remind us of Emily. I am so glad that it was this week, since last Saturday was two months since she died. It made for a much better week, this week, getting special reminders of her.

Happy List Saturday

Today is March 26th, it is so hard to believe that it has already been two months. Where has the time gone? The day we left the hospital I posted on my Facebook page, "Seems kind of strange to me right now how life keeps moving on when mine seems to have stopped." Well it is so true life just keeps going on, no matter what we go through. While in those first few days I wondered how I was going to keep going with life. But I have found a way and I am so glad for the support and love of family and friends.

It is Saturday and time for my happy list. Last night I actually thought about not doing a happy list this week, not because I don't have things to be happy about, but because I did not really want to. No other reason than that. But this morning, when I realized it had been two months, I thought what a better way to remember Emily than with my happy thoughts for the week.

Things that made me happy this week:

* Crock pot meals.
I love to get up in the morning and get dinner started and then not have to think about it for the next 5 to 10 hours (depending on what I am making). This week I made three meals in the crock pot.
My inspiration was A Year of Slow Cooking, Stephanie spent one year using her crock pot each day. She still uses her crock pot on a regular basis, though not every day.

* A clean kitchen.
There is nothing better than standing back and admiring clean, clutter free counter tops and shinny appliances.

* Warmer days.
We have not seen snow in about two weeks now and it has been at least 50 degrees everyday this week. Once upon a time, when I lived in CA, 50 was a cold day. Here in WA 50 is a very nice day. Funny how ones perspective changes with where you live. Maddie and I have spent several hours outside each day, it has been wonderful.

* Love & Logic.
I have been reading the book Love & Logic Magic for Early Childhood. We have only started to implement some of the concepts and ideas from the book, but already I have noticed a difference in our two year old. I can't wait to finish the book and then share it with my husband.

* All-Star Chopped (Food Network) 
I know I already used reality television once, but now I am more specific. Chopped is on the Food Network, it is a cooking competition, that only gives contestants a specific time to cook something with some required ingredients. If you have the Food Network and have never check out this show you really should, it airs on Sunday evenings.

What has made you happy this week? If you would like to share your happy list too, hop on over to My Angel Baby ...Aiden and link up.

Waking Up

There are two types of people, I believe. Those that are early risers and those that like to get up once the sun is high in the sky. I am the first, I love the early morning. But because I love the morning, I am not such a big fan of the evening. I am usually ready for bed by 9pm, if not earlier. There are so many nights I fall asleep on the couch, but I digress.
I generally wake up at the same time each morning, regardless of what time I went to bed. I love rolling over and listening to how quiet the house is still. No activities yet, just the stillness. It is these moments that I just enjoy being. I love to get up before the rest of my family and spend time reading or getting caught up on things that were left from the night before.

Then the rest of the house begins to stir. And our day begins. The same everyday. Maddie gets up and spends a few minutes waking her daddy up and then we all cuddle for a little while before it is time to get dressed and have breakfast.

Won't you join me over at The Gypsy Mama for Five Minute Friday?

Small Miracles ~ Peace

I have been thinking about what I would write for the Small Miracles blog hop this month for about a week now. I have thought about several different directions to go for this post, but each time I come up with a topic or start to write the post in my head I decided I need to go a different direction.

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines peace as "a state of tranquillity or quiet."

That definition certainly does not describe my life or family right now. We are defiantly not in "a state of tranquility or quiet." Yet I have been able to describe how I am feeling, as being at peace.

I am very at peace about the decisions that are being made for our family right now. We are contemplating me returning to work full time and my husband staying home and caring for our daughter during the day. A year ago, even several months ago I got depressed and sad thinking about having to return to work full time. Yet in the last several weeks, as I have prayed about this option and talked with my husband I have felt a peace about this decision.

I miss Emily everyday, though some days more than others, and I wish I was still pregnant and that we were busy planning for her arrive. And I have been mad at God for not answering our prays in the way we wanted them answered. But I also have this strange (at least to me) peace about how the Lord chose to answer our prayers. In His infinite knowledge, He knew what was best for our family and He also knew that we could weather this storm.

Even in the darkest days of my grief I have felt a peace in my heart. It is strange to think that I can be so wrought with grief and pain and still feel peace. I can't explain it any better than that, it just is that way.

I know that the feeling of peace is not just in my head, it is truly in my heart. A little over a week ago I shared a section of scripture that really had impacted me: John 16:16-33 (you can read the post here). My focus was about grief being turned into joy, however, there is also a verse that talks about Jesus' peace. He showed me about joy and peace in the same set of verses.

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

So my small miracle this month is peace.

There are two other verses that speak of the Lord's peace

2 Thessalonians 3:16
Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times in every way. The Lord be with you all.

AND

Isaiah 26:3

You keep him in perfect peace

whose mind is stayed on you,
because he trusts in you.

What is your small miracle this month? Join me over at Small Bird Studios and share your small miracle.

Happy List Saturday

Finding happiness in the midst of grief is so important. For me, finding things to make me happy has made each day a bit more pleasant and helps me to see past the sadness I feel.

I have decided to do my happy list with pictures today.

1. Finding a good great deal. Good deals are okay too, but I am even happier when I find a great deal. For instance this $24.99 frame for only $5.00 and the $34.99 frame for only $10.00. So excited to get pictures in the frame.

2. Seeing my angel baby's name written down. Thank you to Katy for doing this for me.

3. Getting my coupons organized. This picture is of all the coupons that had expired, but were still inside my coupon binder until I finally spent an afternoon cleaning it out. I have found that when I am not actively couponing things tend to get a bit out of control. Seeing everything back under some kind of control and order makes me feel much better.

4. Child Safety locks. This lock in particular makes me happy. It keeps my two year old out of her closet and as a result keeps all her clothes on the hangers unless it is time to get dressed for the day.

That is my happy list for this week. What makes you happy? Make your list and then go on over here and link up too.