Five Minute Friday ~ Home

 It has been a few weeks since I have participate in Five Minute Friday. The main reason: I have not felt much like writing. I am trying to get over this slump I find myself in and beginning to write again. I was writing a post earlier and I went to hit publish and for some reason blogger had logged me out and it had not been auto-saving so my great post was lost. And I really did not feel like rewriting it, so I put it aside and maybe in the next few days I will try again. The problem is that I will never be able to write the exact same thing again. It will be similar, but never the same, and today that makes me sad. I have no explanation for the feeling, but it is how I feel.

But with all that being said I am going to attempt to write today.

GO.

Home for me is not where I was born, it is not even where I was raised. I have discovered that home for me is where my husband and daughter are.

For most of my life we have moved A LOT. I think the longest I ever lived in one place was 6 years. The thought of a home is different to me than to many people. In the three years my husband and I have been married, we have lived in 4 homes. Would you be surprised to know that no one in my family is part of the military, this has just been my life. I would love to have a place to call HOME. One place to raise our children, but since right now we do not have that I realize how important finding home with those who I love is the most important part.

Home is not a place, it is what you make with those who are closest to you.

STOP.

Wow, five minutes goes by fast when you have one focused topic and you are only thinking about that. Will you join me this week at The Gypsy Mama for her weekly blog hop Five Minute Friday 

Five Minute Friday ~ On Forgetting

Is it really Friday already? This whole week I have been trying to remember what day it REALLY is. All day Tuesday I was sure it was Wednesday and Wednesday seems like a blur, and I am not even sure what happened to Thursday, other than I got A LOT of cleaning done.

So here I am at Friday, and it is time to take 5 minutes to just write. Some days 5 minutes is all I can take to write. I savor those times that I can take a break and just write. And I am getting to write early in the morning today since our daughter decided to sleep in (could have something to do with the late bedtime last night, but I will take what I can get)

With all that said...I am joining The Gypsy Mama for 5 Minute Friday. "Five minutes to just write, and not worry if it’s just right or not."

GO.

Some days I want to forget. Forget this horrible nightmare that we have found ourselves in the past four months. I want to forget that I should be holding our infant daughter but will never do that again on Earth.

But forgetting about the past four months means forgetting about Emily and I want to remember that I carried her for 23 weeks and 2 days and that she lived for 10 hours and that I am so blessed to be her mother, even for the short time.

Forgetting means losing the person that I am, the things that have formed and shaped who I am today. I don't want to forget. Not ever. I am a stronger person because of everything I have gone through in my life.

On a lighter note, ever since I got pregnant with our first child I have begun to forget things. Most of them are not super important things, but my brain seems to have been taken over. I loss track of time, I forget important dates until it is past the date.

If it was not for my Smart phone I might forget a whole lot more.

STOP.

Five Minute Friday: When Seasons Change

I have not participated in Five Minute Friday for a few weeks. There are a few reasons for this. One, I have been keeping super busy, part of this is intentional and part of it is just life. Two, I have not really felt much like writing. I have plenty to say, but just not been feeling like sharing. And third, the last two topics I have just not connected with for some reason and decided not to try and think of anything to write, or even think about it at all.

But I am back and ready to go.

I am joining The Gypsy Mama this week for Five Minute Friday. Spend five minutes writing on the topic of the week, no editing, just write what comes to mind.

Go.

I love the changing seasons. For the majority of my life I lived in a location where there were really only two seasons...cool and hot. Now I live in a location that gets all four seasons and I am loving it.

This year spring seemed especially beautiful. I am not sure if it was the long cold winter we had or the fact that I needed to see new life so much this year.

When I think about the changing of seasons I think past the actually season, and think about the seasons of life. The season when you are single, the season when you are married without kids and now the season I am in, the season with a child.

This can seem like a long season at times. But what an amazing season it is. Right now I am deep in the season of a toddler and while I am finding it challenging to parent a toddler, I am finding it so rewarding at the same time.

I have also entered a new season, the season of grieving. I am sure that this season in my life will always be present now that I have entered it, but I am also sure that it will evolve and change just like the changing of the actual season. I am in the winter of my grief, but I know that there will come a day when new hope will come and I will begin to see the promise of a new life once again.

Stop

Well that was a bit over 5 minutes, but I needed to finish that last few sentences.

Five Minute Friday: Motherhood Should Come With…

I am a bit behind. It is actually Saturday afternoon, but the last 24 hours have been super busy for me so I am playing catch up now.

I am joining The Gypsy Mama for Five Minute Friday.




The rules are easy.

1. Write your heart out for five minutes and show us what you’ve got.
2. Tell your readers you’re linking up here and invite them to play along.
3. And most importantly, go visit, read, and encourage the fellow five-minuter who linked up right before you.

Go

Motherhood should come with an instruction manual. It would sure be helpful to know what you would encounter before it happened. But at the same time I am so thrilled with discovering each new thing that my daughter does. So maybe motherhood should not come with an instruction manual.

Instead it should come with a sense of humor. I believe that getting through anything your child does is made easier with laughter. It might not always be appropriate to laugh in the moment, but how would anyone survive having children if we did not laugh.

Motherhood should come with an unlimited supply of chocolate (just for mom). There are times when a really good piece of chocolate makes everything better even if for just a few minutes.

Motherhood should also come with a way to block out all those "helpful" suggestions and comments from all those well meaning people, who feel they know everything about motherhood.

STOP

Five Minute Friday...Hard Love

Do you have five minutes? As mothers sometimes that is all we can spare to get in a bit of writing. That is probably why I like this blog hop each week. It gives me a set amount of time to get my writing done and it gives me something to write on when I just can't find words for anything else. Hop on over to The Gypsy Mama and join in on this blog hop today.

GO

Have you ever stopped and thought of the agony that Mary, Jesus' mother went through as she watched her son dying on the cross? What must have that been like for her? For a mother to loss her child.

The love of a mother goes so deep. I think it is one of the deepest feelings we will ever encounter. I have seen a child die. I have held a child in my arms as she died. We had to make the agonizing call to stop trying to resuscitate her and just let her go. That is hard love. The hardest decision, one no parent ever wants to have to make.

As mothers we go through so much for our children; the sleepless nights, getting thrown up, peed and pooped on, the hard labor, and so much more. But it is all worth it to see the smiles and feel the wonderful hugs and kisses.

STOP

I have a few more minutes and wanted to write a bit more about Mary and what I have been thinking. I don't know why until tonight it never occurred to me what it must have felt like for Mary to watch her son die. Mary had to witness one of the worst things for a parent, the death of a child. What must that have been like for her? To watch the life leave her first born son and there was nothing she could do for him. To see him suffer and be in so much pain.

Wow, what a picture. What a way to think about Easter and really grasp how much God loved us. To let his son go through so much pain and to die, because of his amazing love for us.

Good Friday has a new meaning in my heart tonight as I think of it in an entirely different light. The pain of parents watching their child died.

But what a glorious promise that we will see those children again one day.

May you have a blessed Easter weekend.

Five Minute Friday: On Distance

Distance is a funny thing. Often you do not realize the distance of something until you stop and really think about it.

It has been two months, two weeks and six days since Emily died. It is interesting to me that I choose to say "since she died," not "since she was born" I go back and forth between those two phrases. Which is the best to use?

But I digress, distance has played a huge role in my life. When I was a child we lived at least 100 miles from the closest relative and some were much, much further. I was determined that my children would not know this distance from her family, so we now live in the same house as my dad and with in 5 miles of my mom, brother and sister.

When I was in my early 20's I spent 6 months a considerable distance from my family, over 3,000 miles to be more precise. It was a good time for me to grow closer to God and to realize that I can make it on my own. It gave me the Independence I needed to become the adult that I am.

When I started dating my husband we lived over 60 miles apart. That made dating a bit more difficult in the beginning, but we made it work and made a life together, and now there is no distance between us, which is wonderful.

STOP

So I have to admit that the last sentence was finished after the 5 minutes were up, but I really could not just leave a sentence hanging, and leave you hanging. So I finished it, but of course writing should not be legalistic, it should be fun, so if I wrote for 5.2 minutes, it is not the end of the word.

Now that you have read my crazy rambling "on distance," why not join me this weeks as I like up with The Gypsy Mama on her Five Minute Friday. You spend 5 minutes writing whatever comes to mind on the topic that she supplies. It is one of my favorite posts of the week.

Five Minute Friday...If You Met Me

It's Friday again. I love Friday. For so many reasons: It means the end of another week; It means I can participate in 5 minute Friday (which I have come to enjoy very much); it means the weekend is here and that always brings something fun.

Today I am linking up with The Gypsy Mama for 5 Minute Friday. Do you have five minutes in your day? Why not spend it blogging. Take 5 minutes and write, using the topic provided by Gypsy Mama, no editing, and then link up with everyone else.

So here I go for this week

If you met me...

GO

You would see a women that faces life and what it has to offer. No matter what happens. You might see a smile on my face that betrays how I am really feeling on the inside. I work very hard to make sure that smile is genuine, but sometimes it is in place to protect me from having to share my true feelings with people. I never thought I would be that person, the one who had to hide the pain. I wish I could share it with everyone I meet, but the truth is that not many people really want to be burdened with the truth.

I have great days, and I love life despite that pain I have suffered. If you met me you would also see my incredible love I have for my family; my wonderful husband and my daughter. What you would not see is the love I have for my daughter who is no longer with us.

You know what else comes to mind? If you met me in the grocery store you might see a semi-crazy coupon lady.

Stop

It always amazes me what comes to mind when you just write. I spent some time thinking about what I would write today on this topic, but when I actually sat down and spent the five minutes writing something entirely different came out. I love that. I love being able to have the freedom to write what ever I want. This is mostly for me and if you enjoy reading it, and it helps you in some way I am even happier.

Have a wonderful weekend.

Waking Up

There are two types of people, I believe. Those that are early risers and those that like to get up once the sun is high in the sky. I am the first, I love the early morning. But because I love the morning, I am not such a big fan of the evening. I am usually ready for bed by 9pm, if not earlier. There are so many nights I fall asleep on the couch, but I digress.
I generally wake up at the same time each morning, regardless of what time I went to bed. I love rolling over and listening to how quiet the house is still. No activities yet, just the stillness. It is these moments that I just enjoy being. I love to get up before the rest of my family and spend time reading or getting caught up on things that were left from the night before.

Then the rest of the house begins to stir. And our day begins. The same everyday. Maddie gets up and spends a few minutes waking her daddy up and then we all cuddle for a little while before it is time to get dressed and have breakfast.

Won't you join me over at The Gypsy Mama for Five Minute Friday?

Five Minute Friday: On Waiting...

This is only my second week doing Five Minute Fridays, but I was so excited for Friday to get here so that I could participate again this week. Join me this week. If you decide to join in the fun make sure to link up over at The Gypsy Mama.

"It’s Friday. If you’ve got five minutes, I’m all ears. Here’s how the game works: you simply stop, drop and write for five minutes flat! Set your words free. Don’t edit them, don’t fret over them, don’t try to make them perfect."

On Waiting...

Go.

Waiting can be so difficult. I remember as a child waiting in line at Disneyland inching closer and closer to the desired destination.

I have waited a lot in my life. I remember waiting and waiting to meet the man I would marry, and then at some point I stopped waiting and just decided to live life and enjoy where I was, and then I met him and I am so glad that he is in my life.

As I think about it, I have waited a lot in my life. Life is often about waiting, waiting for this or that to happen. Waiting for a certain time in the day, waiting for a certain time in the week.

We even wait for the return of the Lord with anticipation. Waiting can be difficult and can be down right hard.

Waiting is a good thing...We can learn so much by just being patient and waiting. But there is a negative side to waiting. Sometime when we wait we waste away the life we are living waiting for that thing to happen. So go and live your life, wait with anticipation for the next thing (what ever it is) to happen in your life, but do not just wait and think that there is nothing else until that happens. You will miss so many wonderful things that could happen in the mean time.

STOP.

Five minutes goes by so fast.

Have a wonderful Friday and remember to not just wait on life, go out and live life.

Five Minute Friday: I Feel Most Loved When...

This will be my second blog hop. I think doing these is so much fun. First, it gives me something to write about if I have no topic for the day and second it introduces me to some wonderful women I would never have had the chance to "meet." I have been encouraged by the writings of others and am so blessed to "meet" women who have such a strong faith.

This post was prompted by The Gypsy Mama.

It’s Friday. If you’ve got five minutes, I’m all ears.

Here’s how the game works: you simply stop, drop and write for five minutes flat! Set your words free. Don’t edit them, don’t fret over them, don’t try to make them perfect.

GO:

My answer to this question is much different today, than it was a few months ago. I would have said simple things like "I feel most loved when..."

• my husband rubs me feet
• someone does the dishes, and I don't have to
• I get to have 10 minutes of me time, while my husband gives Maddie a bath

Those were innocent days when I was naive and did not have much pain in my life. Those things above still make me feel loved, but there are others now. I feel loved when

• my husband gives me a hug because he knows I have had a rough day
• a friend calls me on the phone and simply asks how I am doing and means it and will listen.
• my sister tells me how she is dealing with the her grief.
• someone does something in memory of Emily. (I will share later the wonderful things people have done in her memory)
• Maddie climbs on my lap and gives me a hug and kiss without any prompting.

Well, my five minutes are up and there is so much more I could say. But I will stop here and pick up on my next post.

One last thing...I feel loved when you, my readers, take the time to read what I have written and leave a comment letting me know how a post touched you, made you think, or just to say "hey I read your blog today and I am thinking and praying for you."

Now it is your turn...if you dare...