Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Something...and Burnt Chicken

I have this strange unsettled feeling today. I have been trying to pinpoint it all day and I just can’t seem to place how I am feeling. I feel moody and just on the edge of keeping my head. Like almost at any minute I might lose it or something. That is the word, SOMETHING. How vague is that. I have no idea what it is.
Nothing has happened today, in fact this morning started out really well. My mom took our two year old for a few hours like she does every Tuesday, to just give me a break. It is nice to have a few hours to myself where I can do whatever I want. I usually don’t do much, but that is okay in my opinion.
Then tonight as we were getting dinner ready I looked out the kitchen window and noticed flames coming out of the back of the BBQ. The chicken was burning. No it was ON FIRE! So there went dinner. In the moment I was calm, but I wanted to scream and cry. “How could that happen?” We have cooked chicken on the BBQ some many times; and this has never happened. I am just done with this day, and I have no idea what happened to make me feel that way.
Now as I write this I feel like crying. Why? No idea. I hate feeling this way. I know the logical answer is that our daughter died 9 weeks ago and this is just a stage of grief, but is that all it is?
Sorry there is no deep meaningful insight or even something to show you that I am doing okay tonight. I am not doing okay to night. I think a glass of wine would be wonderful right now. Oh wait; I don’t have any in the house. Guess a Diet Coke will have to do. Then I will cuddle up with my husband and daughter and be glad that tomorrow is a new day.


Sherri said...

Hoping tomorrow is better for you. That unsettled feeling really sucks!

Michelle said...

Grief is just so hard. Last night I went to bed telling myself, God's mercies are new every morning.

Caroline said...

It's rough this life after loss. Hoping for a wonderfful tomorrow.

Raquel said...

Thinking of you...that unsettling feeling is one of the worst parts of grief. I totally understand. I hope your Wednesday was wonderful! By the way....I added your button last night. =0)

Sending you lots of hugs!

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