Is it really Friday already? This whole week I have been trying to remember what day it REALLY is. All day Tuesday I was sure it was Wednesday and Wednesday seems like a blur, and I am not even sure what happened to Thursday, other than I got A LOT of cleaning done.
So here I am at Friday, and it is time to take 5 minutes to just write. Some days 5 minutes is all I can take to write. I savor those times that I can take a break and just write. And I am getting to write early in the morning today since our daughter decided to sleep in (could have something to do with the late bedtime last night, but I will take what I can get)
With all that said...I am joining The Gypsy Mama for 5 Minute Friday. "Five minutes to just write, and not worry if it’s just right or not."
GO.
Some days I want to forget. Forget this horrible nightmare that we have found ourselves in the past four months. I want to forget that I should be holding our infant daughter but will never do that again on Earth.
But forgetting about the past four months means forgetting about Emily and I want to remember that I carried her for 23 weeks and 2 days and that she lived for 10 hours and that I am so blessed to be her mother, even for the short time.
Forgetting means losing the person that I am, the things that have formed and shaped who I am today. I don't want to forget. Not ever. I am a stronger person because of everything I have gone through in my life.
On a lighter note, ever since I got pregnant with our first child I have begun to forget things. Most of them are not super important things, but my brain seems to have been taken over. I loss track of time, I forget important dates until it is past the date.
If it was not for my Smart phone I might forget a whole lot more.
STOP.
4 comments:
Dear Rachel,
I am so sorry about your loss of beautiful Emily Faith. How precious she is to the Father. I pray for your heart, and I am grateful for your tender strength, with the Father, trusting that He gives you what you need. Thank you for your beautiful words this morning.
~Jennifer
Yes, forgetting completely means ignoring the wonder that God has created in you during this time. The hurt, pain, and sorrow so often overshadows beauty God works through the ashes. Perhaps it is too soon to truly forget, even to forget the pain, but never forget how much God loves you, how He has loved you, through this. His mercies, His lovingkindness, are new every morning. Great is His faithfulness!
I know exactly how you feel and can relate to not wanting to forget. I lost twins at 8 weeks and it is something that changes you. I pray that you never forget those precious moments and that the pain of this world is made perfect in Heaven when you are reunited with your girls! Thank you for visiting my blog!
I started out tearing up during this blog and the ended up laughing. I love you.
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