Thursday, May 5, 2011


I am not even sure where to start this post. I really have not felt much like writing lately. I want to write, but every time I try to write I get distracted or just cannot find the words.

I have been so busy the last week or so that I have not had time to really be sad. I get up in the morning and take care of Maddie, I clean what needs to be cleaned, and then I have several paid sewing jobs that I am currently working on. All of this keeps me busy and I am worn out by the end of the evening. I sit and watch TV for a bit and usually fall asleep on the couch and then I head up to bed. All of this leaves me very little time to stop and focus on my grief lately.

It actually occurred to me the other day that I seem to be "back to normal." I know I am not really back to normal, just going about my day the way I used to. Like nothing ever happened. In some ways I hate feeling this way. I sometimes wish time would stop. I don't know what I would do if it did stop...

As May 23rd (my EDD with Emily) gets closer I have begun to wonder how I will feel on that day, if I should have anything planned, and if I do plan something, what should it be. I am open to suggestions on how to approach this day.

I am sitting right now watching Toy Story 2 with my daughter for the thousandth time this month., besides the fact that I am soooooo over Toy Story she makes me smile. It is her favorite movie right now. It is so cute to watch her. Even though my life feels like it is falling apart at time I am so glad that she is in my life and just watching her brightens my day.

Sorry about the randomness of this post. I have so much that I would like to share, but I am still trying to find the words to write those things down. I will try to share in the next week or so.


Mattie said...

It's ok to be random, sometimes you just kind of have to let the words flow just to get them out. Thinking of you and Emily.

ccc said...

You are right- sometimes we wish life would not keep going on--but what would we do if it stopped? After my losses sometimes I was happy for the distractions of taking care of my family and then other times it was annoying since I wanted to just sit and grieve.
It is hard as the due date approaches.I will be thinking of you in these coming weeks. Lots of hugs.

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