To most people May 23rd is just another day, this year it happens to be a Monday. For me May 23rd holds a lot of meaning.
Today marks my 100th post...It also marks my estimated due date with Emily Faith. I think it is interesting that my 100th post just happens to fall on my EDD of the child that started this all. If it had not been for the loss of Emily I never would have started this blog.
Blogging has been so helpful to me, it has opened a world to me that I never knew existed. I have met so many wonderful women in this journey. I have been blessed beyond words by the sharing and the caring of each women I have met. Those who have experienced a loss of an infant child understand the pain and the grief of those who have also lost an infant child.
I have been dreading this day for a long time. I have thought about how I would feel and what I would do. I had even initially planned to not do much in May, just so that I could be sad. But that is not what has happened. Life goes on, and I have been extremely busy. Not busy enough to forget or to not grieve, but busy enough to survive each day and take moments to be sad and miss Emily.
This morning when I woke up it was just like any other day.
The laundry still has to be done, and I still have to care for our 2 year old. So the day begins.
I have spent a lot of time thinking about a way to memorialize this day and the baby that we will never again hold in our arms. I have tossed around a lot of ideas. But in the end I decided that I wanted to release balloons.
Tonight, Ron, Maddie and I are going to each write a message on a pink balloon and release it. I have wanted to release balloons for awhile now, but I wanted it to be a day that would mean something. So this is the day.
A few weeks ago, my sister, who lives in CA, told me about what she has decided to do on this day. She along with several of her friends who have lost babies are going to do a balloon release in memory of Emily and all of the other babies that have died too soon.
I was so touched that she would consider doing something like this. I would have loved to have joined them, but the trip was just not possible at this time. So we will be there in spirit and we will have our own balloon release.
Since Emily was born and died I have seen so many wonderful things happen. I am been saddened by how much my family and friends have grieved as well, but I have seen such beauty and healing though the pain. I firmly believe that the 23 weeks, 2 days and 10 hours that Emily was alive were all that she needed to accomplish what the Lord had planned for her. And after she was done, He took her home to be with Him.
I am sad that I will never again hold our baby girl on earth, but I am excited for the day when we will be re-united and we will spend eternity together praising our wonderful Saviour.
The Spoils Of Victory
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