Twelve Weeks

This week has been a week of milestones. Emily's six month anniversary, which I shared about in the previous post. And I am now 12 weeks pregnant. Which means I am almost to the 2nd trimester. The 2nd trimester with Emily was a time of concern and ultimately the end of the pregnancy. I know that the 12 weeks are going to be difficult at times. There are a lot of important milestones to get through with this pregnancy in the coming weeks.

Since we lost Emily I have become obsessed with dates. So please bear with me as I share some crazy information that actually makes me feel better when I think about it. We got pregnant with Maddie around that same time of year that we got pregnant with little peanut. I got a positive pregnancy test 3 years and one day to the date that we got a positive pregnancy test with Maddie. And my mom was the first person we told with both Maddie and little peanut's pregnancies. With all of these dates lining up pretty close, it has actually brought me some comfort, however, strange it is.

A few weeks ago I went back and looked to see when we had our 20 week ultrasound with Maddie, September 30, 2008. I have already decided that I want to have little peanut's 20 week ultrasound on September 30, 2011. I am hoping the doctor will humor me. September 30th would put us at 21 weeks, exactly when we had Emily's 20 week ultrasound. I love the idea of having a tie with all three pregnancies. I know to a lot of people all this date stuff might seem crazy, but it is comforting to me.

So besides being crazy, how am I doing?

Physically
The worst of the nausea has finally past. However, the last two nights nausea has set in after dinner. Not really fun to keep wondering of dinner is going to come back up. So far it has not. I have been starting to get some energy back. Not enough that I can skip my afternoon nap and not feel awful a few hours later, but I am able to get a bit more done each day.
Last weekend I spent two days making cherry and apricot jam and drying a bunch of fruit. I was super tired by the end of the second day, but I love that I can finally get things done again.
I defiantly have a tummy and I am wearing maternity pants, though to be honest I have been wearing maternity pants since before I found out I was pregnant again because I had just not lost enough to fit back onto my old pants. I had my husband bring the box of maternity clothes in from the garage, but I have not yet gotten them out of the box. I am not sure when I will feel ready to get the clothes out and hung up so that I can wear them in a month or so. I still have time so I am being patient with myself.

Emotionally
Up until last night I would say that I am emotionally doing really well. Then last night I has a little break down. I was sad about forgetting Emily's six month anniversary, but I am also getting nervous about my next appointment. Because everything looked so good at the last appointment the doctor decided to wait a month to see me again, which is fine in a normal pregnancy, but this pregnancy is anything but normal. I really need to see, or at least hear the heart beat again. I have read about several women who at 9 weeks the baby looked good and then at the 12/13 week appointment they could not find a heartbeat and it looked like the baby had stopped growing at 9 weeks. I know I really need to stop reading these stories since they are making me crazy, so that is my goal this week, stop with the insanity.
I know in my heart that everything is okay, but my head sometimes does not get the message. And it is because in my heart I know it is okay I am not going to be "that women" and call and bug the doctor. My next appointment is a week from Tuesday, so I think I can stay sane for a week and a few days.
Though I have already decided to ask the doctor if he would be okay with seeing me every three weeks instead of four weeks. I think under the circumstances he might just agree to that. At least I hope so.