I am trying to get caught up so that I can write in "real time," But I have been so tired lately that it is all I can do to get through each day and take care of Maddie, myself and the house (and pretty much in that order too.) I am starting to feel a bit better and my naps are getting shorter, so I am hopeful that I will be getting some of my energy back soon, but until then here is the 2nd part of what was going on before we announced this pregnancy.
6 weeks (6/23/2011)
Today is my first doctor’s appointment. It is also a month since Emily’s due date. I sure did not plan it that way. It was the only appointment available so soon. At my doctor’s office the appointments are booked months in advance, so the fact that I am even being seen as a new pregnant patient a day before 7 weeks is amazing. I need the reassurance that everything is going okay so far.
I have been a nervous wreck the last few days. I can’t really explain it though. I also have a peace and a hope that everything is going to be fine. Explain that, nervous wreck, peace and hope…can they really all be in one person at the same time. Well it is for me.
I did not sleep very well last night. I am nervous, excited, and so many other emotions that I am not even sure of.
I am not sure if I mentioned it or not, but we have decided to stay with the same doctor who treated me when I was pregnant with Emily, he also delivered Maddie. I do not blame him for anything that happened. The truth is that in that last week, it was not him, but always the on call doctor that treated me. I don’t blame them either, I just wish my symptoms would have been taken more seriously and I will be much more proactive this time and not just let the doctors brush me off as if it is no big deal. It may not be a big deal, but to me, this time IT IS A BIG DEAL, no matter what it is.
I am soooo TIRED. I tend to think back over the day in the evening and remember what I did and the last few days I have done almost nothing. I did not even make dinner last night, just warmed up left overs and I was still in bed at 9pm. The last three days I have been incredible nauseated most of the day. While I was super hungry last week, this week I am not really hungry, but when I finally eat I am starved and eat a lot. I have only gotten sick one morning. I was getting sick and Maddie is standing there like what is wrong mommy. She had this look on her face like she just did not understand. I kept telling her mommy is okay, I just have an upset tummy. She understood that, but was still worried.
Over all I would say emotionally I am doing okay. I mean for being 6 weeks pregnant and only three days until Emily’s 5 month anniversary. The last few days have been a bit emotional for me. Yesterday I was reading through Emily’s story. I am being spotlighted on another blog and I am sharing Emily’s story, but complete with all the details it is 10 pages long so I had to shorten it a bit (just take out some of the details). It is still 5 pages, but that is a bit better. I did not realize how much it would impact me. I have not cried much lately, but yesterday as I was reading it, tears started streaming down my face. It was good though, a healing kind of tears. I had actually forgotten a few things that had happened and I think those things will be helpful when talking to the doctor today.