Sunday, July 24, 2011

Eight Weeks (7/5/2011)

This is the third and final catch-up post. After this post, when I write about the pregnancy it will be actually happening. I know that the way I have posted has kind of thrown a few people off, but the confusion will stop after this post. I just really wanted a detailed account of the pregnancy and could not really do that if I did not include the first few weeks. I will post again in the next few days regarding how I am doing today and the past week or so.

8 weeks (7/5/2011)
We have been holding off announcing the pregnancy mostly because of fear of what could happen and then having to go and tell everyone that we lost another baby. There is no guarantee, at any stage in the pregnancy that everything is going to be fine. I am at a point right now where I need to write about how I feel and I really want to share it with everyone who has been such a support to me since we lost Emily.
I still have to talk to my husband, but I am ready to announce this pregnancy. I have decided if my husband is okay with it, to announce on my blog that I am pregnant after our next appointment; which will be next Tuesday, July 12th. Since I was measuring a bit behind at the last appointment I want to see and hear the heartbeat again and get a more accurate measurement and then I think I will feel better about sharing. The stats say that after you see a heartbeat there is only a 10% chance of miscarrying, so while we are not out of the woods, I will feel better.  I am also hoping that announcing the pregnancy will make it feel more real.
I know I am pregnant but part of me is still in denial. I recently read “Pregnancy after a Loss.” It is a really good book and helped me to think about things that I might not have thought about before. The author talked about in the book that if this pregnancy is soon after a loss it might seem like you have been pregnant forever. I totally understand that feeling. When we finally have this baby it will almost be like I have been pregnant for over a year. That is such a long time to be pregnant and not have a child in your arms.  I am so ready to have a baby in my arms.
There has been a lot of talk over the last few months about not holding a baby until you hold your rainbow baby. I am not sure if this is what I want to do, but so far I have not felt emotionally ready to hold anyone else’s baby. I may or may not be ready before our baby is born, but I am open to it if the chance arises.
I am still super tired. I have also had a cold for the last three days. It has knocked me down. I have spent most of the last few days on the couch sleeping in between taking care of Maddie. She has watched a lot of TV. She has enjoyed it and I have started to feel a bit better. I have had nausea on and off most days. The last day or so it has been better though. I am not very hungry in the morning and nothing ever sounds good. However, I make up for it in the afternoon when all I want to do is eat. I have a huge craving for tuna sandwiches and since I cannot have tuna every day I have also started eating canned chicken, which tastes the same to me. I do not eat it every day, but I sure could.
I also feel like I have already started to show a bit. I think I will show a lot soon with this one than with the other two. I think that is pretty normal for a subsequent pregnancy and one so soon after my last pregnancy
 This has been kind of a hard week or so. Maddie has been sick, so besides taking care of myself I have had to take care of her more so than usual. She ran a fever for 6 days before we finally took her to the doctor. It turns out she has an ear infection. This is her first ear infection and also the first time we have given her antibiotics. I think that is pretty good considering she is almost 2.5 years old. She is taking her meds like a champ.
I honestly think that as we get further into the pregnancy I might have some more emotional days and weeks, but right now I am doing fairly well. One reason I think that is, is because like I mentioned previously, I am still a bit emotionally detached from this pregnancy and the fact that I am actually pregnant again.


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