One Year Ago

Dear Emily,
It has been a long time since I wrote you a letter. But tonight a letter seems the most appropriate way to express how I feel. I am just 16 days away from my due date with your baby sister. That's right you are going to be a big sister. I have wondered since I got pregnant with you sister if I would deliver her on your birthday. I have prayed that it would be your day and that you and your sister would not have to share the date. At this point it does not look like she is coming tomorrow, but a lot can change fast.
I have been functioning really well the last few months. I miss you so much, but life has gone on and soon we will have a new little one in our family. Welcoming your baby sister does not mean that we will love you any less or think of you any less, but life is going to change for us again. Oh how I wish you were here with us celebrating your first birthday. But if you were here with us, then I would not be pregnant with your baby sister. I know that God had a plan for your short life and I also know He has a plan for your baby sister, who will be joining or family soon.

I have been thinking about you a lot today and how much you changed my life and our family's life in your short 23 weeks 3 days and 10 hours of life. I am so thankful to be your mommy. I can't wait until I get to see you again in Heaven.

I love you forever and always,
Mommy

Tomorrow is Emily Faith's 1st birthday. Life has been so busy and crazy lately and I have been so focused on my current pregnancy and getting us all moved in before little Neptune is born that I have not spent much time thinking about how we would commemorate Emily's birthday and death. I was even at the point where I was not sure I wanted to do anything. But tonight it has hit me hard. It was a year ago that I was in the hospital and we were making a final decision about her name. A year ago was a rough night for me, I had contractions all night and the next morning it became obvious that I would be delivering that day, January 26th.

Up until a few days ago I had really thought that I would have a brand new baby at home by now. I never thought that I would make it this far in a pregnancy. I am so excited that I have, but at the same time I really wish I was holding this baby, and that there was not the chance that this little one could be born tomorrow. I had it all planned out, but I know God has other plans, and while His plans don't always fit with mine...His are perfect. I know this little girl will come at the perfect time for her.

I have decided that we will keep tomorrow simple. Maddie and I are going to make cupcakes with pink frosting and then when my husband gets home from work tomorrow night we will release three pink balloons for Emily. The rest of the day I plan to keep as normal a schedule as I can. I think it is what is best for our whole family.

I am not sure what to expect from tomorrow, but I know that it is probably going to be a bit of a difficult day.