Blessings

There have been so many songs that have touched me in the last several months. I truly believe that the Lord uses music to speak to us sometimes. It is one way that He uses to get our attention and to minister to us when we need it the most. On one of the hardest days last week I was reading Kelly's Korner, and she had done a post about blessings. At the end of her post was this song, "Blessings" by Laura Story. It is a very powerful song and it was just what I needed in that moment. The chorus is what really got me, but the whole song is beautiful.

Chorus

‘Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

Rain

I was reading a dear friend's blog this afternoon and she was talking about rain and that rain brings rainbows. It got me to thinking that the rain from the sky and the "rain" (tears) from our eyes.

• Tears are healing. I think in the midst of our tears we don't think that there is healing, but we are healed through our tears.
• Rain makes things new. Sometimes rain destroys things, but once the rain has subsided, new life regrows, and people rebuild.

There is something comforting thinking about what comes after the rain: rainbows, regrowth, healing, life.

I am glad for the thought of the comfort of what comes after the rain and the tears, but right now my heart is broken and I am sad. I never thought that I could hurt so much. Having to see a child die is a pain that is not even comprehensible, it is not even close to anything that I have ever experienced before.

As I am writing this and listening to praise music I had this thought. It was like the Lord was saying to me "I watched My child die, and I could have done something about it, but I knew it was for a greater good. It was to save the world. I understand your pain. I cry with you. Come to me and I will comfort you."

I do wrestle with the fact the Lord could have allowed Emily to live. He could have kept me pregnant longer, He could have healed my body. He could have intervened and done a lot of things. But that was not in His plan. I wish I knew what His plan was, but  since I don't I can take heart in these verses.

Proverbs 3:5-8
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones.

My life right now is full of rain and tears, and sometimes I wonder how I am going to make it to the next hour, let alone the next day; but I have God's promise that He loves me and holds me in His arms.

I am emotionally drained after writing this post. I am going to end this with a song that I was just introduced to. This is where I am today.

Praise You in the Storm

I have been given links to many songs and videos since Emily died. I have cried listening to several of them and others just give me such a peace. The song Praise you in the Storm by Casting Crowns has such a wonderful message. It is a gentle reminder to continue to praise the Lord even in the storm.