Our Emily Faith (Molly) Bear

**NOTE: I wrote this post back in April, but for some reason never published it. So here it is...Long overdue**

April 18th started like most other days: Getting the girls dressed and ready for the day. But this Wednesday did not go exactly as planned. I ended up having a friend over for the morning because she needed some encouragement and the two of us had not talked in at least a few weeks so we needed to catch up any way. It was a really good time of fellowship (and eating strawberries and chocolate), while two of our kids played together.

I spend the rest of the morning getting lunch on the table and getting the girls down for naps. This also happened to be the second afternoon I had gotten both girls down to nap at about the same time. I had just sat down on the couch when I saw the mail lady coming toward our front door. I tried to jump up and make it to the door before she rung the door bell (really did not want the girls to get woken up, I needed a few minutes of R&R). I did not make it in time, but the girls did not wake up.

When I opened the door sitting there was a box. I was not expecting a package that day and it was pretty heavy, but I was still not sure what it was. I brought it inside and opened it. What was inside took my breath away and made me start to cry all at the same time. 

Inside the box was our very special, personalized Emily Faith Bear, created by Molly Bears.

I was not prepared for the emotion that I would feel when I saw this bear for the first time. She was perfect.

Molly Bears is an organization that makes teddy bears for families that have lost a baby. They make the bear to be the weight of the child that has died. And each bear is made specifically for the family. There is no one size fits all bear. The people who make these bears really care about each and every family who has lost a child(ren). When someone requests a bear they can also request things be added to the bear to make it extra special. 

When we left the hospital after Emily died, the NICU staff gave us a bear to give to Maddie. The bear was white and had a red bow. I felt like our Emily Faith bear should be similar, so I asked Molly Bears if they could make our bear white and give her a red bow and make sure there was a lady bug some where on her. I think they did a wonderful job. 

Here is the beat from the hospital and the bear from Molly Bears

Keep in mind that the person who created our Emily Faith bear never saw a picture of the other bear. Our bear does not weigh what Emily weighted at birth since she was so tiny. Instead our bear weights what Maddie weighted when she was born (almost 5lbs). The reason for this was I wanted the weight to be significant to our family and I ordered this bear long before we even knew we were pregnant with Samantha.

Molly Bears is an amazing organization

UPDATE:
"Baby Emily Bear" as we call our bear from Molly Bears is well loved. Some days she is in my room on my bed. Other days she is in the girls room. But I think most of the time she spends in the living room in the play area. Maddie loves to carry her around and play with her. From day one, I decided that the girls should be allowed to play with and lover on Baby Emily Bear. The bear is a physical reminder of Emily and I want the girls to always feel like they can hug and play with her.

I Knew This Day Would Come

Our oldest, Maddie, is almost 4. It amazes me everyday how much she is growing up and changing. Over the last few months she has talked about Emily almost every day. At random times throughout the day she will say something like "I miss Emily." or "I wish I could go to heaven and see Emily." or "I wish Emily could come back to our home."

That is the one thing about an almost 4 year old, she seems to need the same thing explained over and over again. There are times when I just want to say "Your sister is dead and she is never coming back." But I know that is not what she needs me to say. So instead I explain to her that Emily is in heaven with Jesus. Then the questions come...mostly WHY??? It seems like lately just the simple answer that we used to give her is not enough. She is asking more questions.

Tonight was different. The questions and statements were the same, but I knew that she needed more. After we had talked for a bit about Emily at dinner I told her I had pictures of Emily. I asked her if she would like to see the pictures I have of Emily? She said yes and then went back to eating dinner. That was all that was said.
After I put Samantha to bed tonight I was talking to Maddie and asked her if she would like to see that pictures of Emily. She said yes, so I pulled out the book I had made of all the pictures I have of Emily. It was amazing to see her connect with the pictures. It was like for the first time Emily was a REAL baby.

We talked about all the equipment that was on Emily and how the doctors used it to help Emily breathe because her lungs were not able to breathe on her own.

We talked about how tiny her hands and feet were.

We talked about the picture of mommy and daddy getting to hold Emily before she went to heaven to be with Jesus.

It was a really special time. I cried a little. It has been a long time since I have looked at Emily's photo album. I wanted to get the little box of all the things that we have of Emily's and show them to her, but I had just put Samantha down to sleep and could not go back in, but I plan to show her them very soon.

I am sad that I even have to have this experience with my children, but I am so thankful that I can share it with them. Emily will always be a part of our family and even though Maddie and Samantha will have no memory of her, they can remember her.