Our oldest, Maddie, is almost 4. It amazes me everyday how much she is growing up and changing. Over the last few months she has talked about Emily almost every day. At random times throughout the day she will say something like "I miss Emily." or "I wish I could go to heaven and see Emily." or "I wish Emily could come back to our home."
That is the one thing about an almost 4 year old, she seems to need the same thing explained over and over again. There are times when I just want to say "Your sister is dead and she is never coming back." But I know that is not what she needs me to say. So instead I explain to her that Emily is in heaven with Jesus. Then the questions come...mostly WHY??? It seems like lately just the simple answer that we used to give her is not enough. She is asking more questions.
Tonight was different. The questions and statements were the same, but I knew that she needed more. After we had talked for a bit about Emily at dinner I told her I had pictures of Emily. I asked her if she would like to see the pictures I have of Emily? She said yes and then went back to eating dinner. That was all that was said.
After I put Samantha to bed tonight I was talking to Maddie and asked her if she would like to see that pictures of Emily. She said yes, so I pulled out the book I had made of all the pictures I have of Emily. It was amazing to see her connect with the pictures. It was like for the first time Emily was a REAL baby.
We talked about all the equipment that was on Emily and how the doctors used it to help Emily breathe because her lungs were not able to breathe on her own.
We talked about how tiny her hands and feet were.
We talked about the picture of mommy and daddy getting to hold Emily before she went to heaven to be with Jesus.
It was a really special time. I cried a little. It has been a long time since I have looked at Emily's photo album. I wanted to get the little box of all the things that we have of Emily's and show them to her, but I had just put Samantha down to sleep and could not go back in, but I plan to show her them very soon.
I am sad that I even have to have this experience with my children, but I am so thankful that I can share it with them. Emily will always be a part of our family and even though Maddie and Samantha will have no memory of her, they can remember her.
The Spoils Of Victory
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